The Hettie pups Bruce and Mabel have sharpened their pencils and ask some very special questions of their fellow pampered pooches. In the hot seat the this week are Merlin and Diggerley from Yorkshire. Their lovely Mum Lisa is our PR
Hello Merlin and Diggerley. It’s lovely to meet you. We like your names. Are you a magician Merlin? And what is a Diggerley?
Merlin, ‘Am I a magician ? what a ridiculous question Mabel and Bruce, of course I am. Don’t you think I look like a mutt of magic and mystery? I can make my mama bring supper just by giving her a spooky eyeball flutter and if I woof abracadabra mama or pops will give me a yummy treat.’
Diggerley, ’Sorry, about Merlin, he’s an absolute eejit. Hi Mabel and Bruce, I’m the cool dude of the family. I’m named Diggerley because the humans were watching a horror film called Wrong Turn. One of the weird, inbreds characters was called Diggerley, and daddy told mammy that Diggerley reminded him of a member of mammy’s family in Ireland, how rude. Anyway, they’d both have a few glasses of wine and decided to call their first born hairy baby Diggerley. Though my real name is King.
Where do you live?
Merlin, ‘I basically am the most important pooch in Bilbrough. It’s a village outside York and I just love it. In the mornings mama or pops will take me for a run in the fields and woodland. I adore chasing rabbits and deer and, occasionally I’ve managed to catch them. I don’t know why, but mama and pops always shout at me when I do this and my human sister Brontë starts wailing and crying like a proper sissy. Once I brought mama a present of a dead bunny and put it on her head when she was asleep. For some reason she became hysterical, screaming that blood was going into her mouth and pops had to remove the bunny present pronto. That’s gratitude for you!’
Diggerley, ‘Excuse me little squirt but I am the King of Bilbrough. I too love my morning and evening walk, checking out the village business and making sure all the other dogs in the hood are behaving. Occasionally I hang out in the village pub The Three Hares, where I catch up with my fellow drinking chums over a few bowls of L’eau - I’m the one who has to make sure there’s no misbehaving after a few pints. Daddy always swears me to secrecy about our pub jaunts, I always woof to mammy that we’ve been to the woods or church instead, it’s just a little white lie.
Tell us about your pawrents.
Merlin, ‘Mama is so lovely. She let’s me sleep on the bed and gives me kisses and cuddles in the morning. The only time we had a bit of a falling out is when I chewed her very juicy Christian Louboutin nude pumps and Guiseppe Zanotti Victoriana boots that apparently she’d re-mortgaged the house to buy. I mean, they’re just shoes for goodness sake. Pops is a big joker and constantly sings to me, to be honest, I think he loves me more than anyone else and he’s my favourite. My sister Brontë can get a bit jealous so I give her lots of licks.’
Diggerley, ‘Mammy is the best, I’m an old boy but she’s so calm with me and chats away giving me massages. Daddy is great fun, but since Merlin’s come along he seems to spend lots of time talking rubbish with that eejit.’
Where is your favourite walk?
Merlin, ‘I would have said the fields and woods in Bilbrough, but we recently went to Lastingham on the Yorkshire Moors and I loved eyeing up the sheep, dreaming of how good they’d taste with mint sauce, yum!’
Diggerley, ‘I’m a beach boy so Sandsend near Whitby is a real treat, though last time we visited a huge wave crashed over me and I lost my footing on the rocks. Merlin and Daddy laughed themselves silly, proof that simple things please simple minds.’
Who is in charge in your house?
Diggerley, ‘Seriously? I think you know the answer.’
Merlin, ‘No comment.’
Are you paid enough in treats?
Diggerley, ‘Never enough. Mummy is quite fussy and will only buy ours from that posh place Waitrose. They’re lovely and crunchy.’
Merlin, ‘I’m a pig’s ear fan. Pops buys them in bulks for me, he loves me so much.’
What is your opinion on fox poo? Mabel LOVES it but it makes the humans cross when she rolls in it.
Diggerley, ‘Love it, what is it with humans, they’re weird. Sadly
there’s not enough fox poo here, I found more of the delicious delicacy in London.’
Merlin, ‘Er, revolting, I like to keep as clean as a whistle.’
Do your humans work to your routine ok - for example getting up in time to attend to your needs?
Merlin, ‘I couldn’t ask for better parents and sister. They come down early so I can go out and do my dirty business in peace and private.’
Diggerley, ‘No issues there, though I could do with more treats.’
Do they have any really annoying habits?
Merlin, ‘Yes, mama’s always reading, I nudge her book away but she ignores me. Also my sister doesn’t like me going into her room and chewing her loo roll and shoes.’
Diggerley, ‘They don’t give me enough treats. Also, they take up far too much of the sofa.’
What is the most rewarding thing about owning a human?
Merlin, ‘Food, walks and cuddles, in that order.’
Diggerley, ‘Being taken to the pub.’
And should birds be allowed to land in your garden?
Merlin, ‘Absolutely, great craic chasing them, as long as they’re not followed by cats.’
Have you ever met anyone famous?
Diggerley, ‘Ahem, I was in a fashion shoot, I AM famous. When mammy was the editor of OK! the fashion team asked me to join a model in a wood for a shoot. But look at my face, who can blame them? I got lots of attention but I’m still waiting for the fee chaps. Also, mammy and daddy once chatted to Prince William about me and he was droning on about his pooch Lupo, I’m definitely more handsome’
Merlin, ‘I’ve met some of those handsome chaps from Boyzone and Radio 2 DJ Craig Charles is my uncle, it confuses me when I hear him on the radio.’
Are you good at sulking?
Diggerley, ‘We are both rubbish at sulking, especially when we think treats could be offered. Though I ignore my parents when they’ve come back from holiday.’
Merlin, ‘Nope, I just give love man.’
Where do you go when they do that really annoying thing and go away without you ?
Diggerley, ‘Our bestie human Angie takes us to her home. She has other dogs and it’s great fun, though we pretend we are very cross when they return to get more treats.’
Merlin, ‘We love Angie.’
We get really cross if they start moving stuff around in our garden. We like things to stay the same. What do you think ?
Merlin, ‘It can be a bit confusing but we don’t mind, especially if it means we might get a ride in the wheelbarrow.’
Diggerley, ‘As long as those dastardly village cats stay away I’m happy.’
Mabel and Bruce love to meet fellow pampered pups. They can be contacted at email@example.com
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