Welcome to our series of interviews by the Hettie pups Bruce and Mabel. They have sharpened their pencils to ask some pressing questions to their fellow pampered pooches - and now pampered puss cats.
In the hot seat this week are their cousins Boris and Enzo who are part of the Hettie family. They endeavour to get to the bottom of life's big mystery and the difference between cats and dogs.
Hello cousins. We thought we had better do this interview over the computer in case we start chasing each other
How old are you and where do you live?
Enzo: I’m not sure how old I am as my parents got me as a rescue cat when I was handed into the veterinary surgery but let’s just say I’m past my prime and only have one tooth left. I keep hearing them saying the words “elderly, sleeps a lot, chubby, lazy” when they think I’m not listening so I guess I’m not as young as I think I am in my head! We live in a lovely modern bungalow - no stairs for my old legs to worry about - with a big garden in leafy Berkshire.
Boris: I’m also a rescue cat - I was found in a park with a broken leg by some kind strangers who took me to the veterinary surgery where my Dad works. I was just a tiny kitten so they know I was born in 2013. They took me home to meet Enzo and we’ve been inseparable ever since.
Tell us about your parents
Boris - our Dad is a V-E-T so we always have one beady eye on him at all times in case he gives up a tablet, injection or, even worse, tries to trim our claws or clean our ears! He says he doesn’t like cats but, when he thinks Mum isn’t looking, he gives us lots of fuss and tickles, and butter from his toast in the morning.
Enzo- Mum is always singing to me – I like Elvis Presley songs the best but I run and hide when she tries her hand at Rocketman by Elton John (a bit too screechy for my liking). She is the one who feeds and brushes us so of course we love her the most. She also gives the best cuddles – if you sit on Dad’s lap he is too fidgety and keeps wanting to get up for things – Mum will sit for hours if we make her!
Who is in charge in your house?
Enzo: Mum is always saying that, for such a small thing, I am quite demanding with all my needs and wants. I have what is fondly known as “the paw of fury” at the ready in case they try to touch me in a place that was acceptable yesterday, but for no apparent reason is totally off limits today. However, she is definitely in charge of the human household - she didn’t get the nickname Bossy Boots from her father without good reason.
Boris: I’m a cat – I never do as I’m told.
Are your sleeping arrangements satisfactory?
Enzo: Absolutely no complaints on this front. I have the free run of a super king-size bed while they are work which has a goose down quilt, mattress topper and pillows - perfect for my old bones. I also sleep on Mum’s pillow at night and apparently “take up all the space” as she has to wear me like a fur hat.
Boris: they keep referring to “my room” as the guest room and I get very cross when visitors come to stay as I can’t sleep on the windowsill when they close the curtains. We also have a very nice reindeer skin covered beanbag in the lounge for “relaxing” although they seem to think it should just be used by humans and not cats.
Do they pay you enough in treats?
Enzo:I love a good roast chicken dinner – well actually, just the chicken, you can keep all the yucky vegetables – I’m also quite partial to Crispy Roast Duck.
Boris: I would sell Enzo for a packet of our favourite treats Pure Taste of the Ocean - and a pat of butter.
Enzo is sporting his Hettie bow tie and looking perfectly regal
Do they attend to your daily needs ok and get up in time to let you out etc?
Enzo: I usually start the gentle waking up process around 5am. This involves raking Mum’s hair, marching up and down her back and sitting on her head until she wakes up. She is usually quite grumpy at this point in the proceedings with her pillow hair and a crick in her neck as I’ve hogged the pillow all night. I don’t even venture across to Dad’s side of the bed as he never wakes up (although I have my suspicions that he is awake and just ignoring me)
Boris: I stay in my room until I am sure that food has been put on offer for me before sauntering through to the dining room to take my breakfast. I don’t like to be disturbed first thing in the morning – I’ll come and say hello when I’m good and ready.
You are allowed to go off on adventures without your humans when you want to. Where do you go?
Enzo: I’ve been banned from venturing out the front of the house as they lost me once when I got frightened by a car and ended up in the hedge across the road for 24 hours. I heard them calling for me late at night and meowed from the hedge and Mum pulled me out to safety. She was crying and looked very upset when she found me – I thought she would have been really pleased to see me as I had been missing for so long? So now I’m only allowed to explore the confines of the back garden, which is fine for me as I’m too old to climb trees and fences and am quite happy pottering round the garden, chasing butterflies and sunbathing.
Boris: I got myself in a real mess a couple of years ago and got hit by a car while out exploring at night. I managed to get myself home with 5 broken ribs and a smashed up jaw and waited patiently on the chair in the lounge until Mum found me the next morning. On reflection, maybe it would have been better to go straight into the bedroom and wake her up as I was in quite a lot of pain. I was taken to the lovely people at Fitzpatrick Referrals and had buttons sewn onto my face to wire my jaw together and had to be fed through a feeding tube for a month. Thank goodness Dad was there to look after me and change my dressing every day at home and Mum used to get up through the night to feed me every few hours. It was touch and go at one point, but I pulled through and am a lot more cautious about exploring the roads now. I still go out a lot and have my feline friends Bob and Bertie in the garden at the bottom of our fence, so I visit them during the day when Mum and Dad are at work.
Why don’t you like dogs?
Boris: We pretty much hate any animal that isn’t part of our “pack”. In the house we lived in before, when I will still only little, we had a bully cat next door which Mum nicknamed “Vlad the Impaler” as he used to beat me up all the time. Enzo used to come to my rescue but has a piece missing from the tip of his ear as a result of one of their fracas.
Enzo: We have new neighbours and they have a dog and I run and hide every time it barks. I hate dogs as they are big and smelly and noisy (no offence cousins but it’s a fact)
What on earth is catnip??
Enzo: catnip is God’s gift to pussycats. We have a pot of it in the garden and every now and then Boris and I have a “catnip session” where I bounce up and down on top of the pot to release the scent. Then we tear the leaves off with our teeth, chew on them for a while, roll on the leaves and then go totally batshit crazy for a couple of hours chasing each other round the house and generally causing mayhem.
Boris: Mum even has catnip spray that she uses on our toys in the winter when the catnip in the garden is dead. I get quite excited when I see her get the bottle out of the drawer!
Do you let birds land on your garden?
Boris: No wildlife is welcome in the garden. You name it, I’ve killed it - pigeons, robin, greenfinch, spiders, field mice and more slow worms than I can count. Strange thing is that Mum and Dad always get really cross when I bring them into the house half dead and mangled, and then head off out again as soon as they stop moving.
Enzo: I’ve never managed to kill anything as I’m too fat and slow (their words not mine). However, I hunt by proxy and get extremely excited when Boris brings things into the house and run up and down the house trilling and chasing them which usually alerts Mum to the fact that Boris has been up to no good again and then we have hours of fun watching her trying to rescue the ones that are still alive or dispose of the ones that have sadly gone to Jesus.
Apparently you like to sit in boxes . What is that all about?
If I fits, I sits – and it isn’t just limited to boxes!
Enzo: I love my Robo mouse and Cat’s Meow electronic toy the best of all. I sit for hours watching it go round and even trill in the middle of the night to get Mum out of bed to switch it on for me when I’m bored.
Boris: I’m really good at hide and seek - behind sofas, in shopping bags, in broad daylight (I think they can’t see me as long as my head is hidden!) We also have a lovely cat tower in the garden with scratching posts and high places for us to sit and watch the birdies.
What does purring mean? Are you happy when you do it?
Boris:I lost my purr for a while after I had my accident due to the feeding tube that had been in my throat for a month which caused some scarring. It was a bit strange as I couldn’t let Mum and Dad know when I was pleased to see them.
Enzo:I purr like a steam train on Mum’s pillow at night – she says she finds it quite comforting and it helps her go to sleep, but I think she’s just being polite.
Do you like visiting the V-E-T ?
Each time Dad leaves the house he makes what he thinks is a joke, and asks if either us want to go to work with him. The photo below tells you everything you need to know in answer to that ridiculous question
Where do you go when they are really annoying and go away without you?
Enzo:We stay at Leafy Oak Farm Cattery when they go on holiday – the staff are very nice, but calling our prison a “chalet” to try to fool us into thinking we’re on holiday is just ridiculous and insulting. We try to hide ourselves in their suitcases and bags when they are packing, but somehow they always seem to spot us!
Boris: We get left home alone when they just go away for the weekend as we aren’t as high maintenance as silly dogs.
What is the best thing about owning your humans ?
Enzo: Mum is at my beck and call day and night. I refuse to use the cat flap because I’m too posh to push and, quite frankly, I’m frightened by the clicking noise that it makes. So, this presents an opportunity for hours of endless fun, meowing at the door to the garden as I need to go out so that I can come straight back in again.
Boris: they are merely there to provide food and brush me on demand.
Enzo and Boris were persuaded to do this interview with their cousins as long as they were paid in treats . Our friends at Pure pet food make yummy treats for cats and dogs which were perfect and got the seal of approval from the duo
Pure Pet Food provide high quality human-grade cat food and dog food, check them out at purepetfood.com
Bruce and Mabel are going to try out their tasty dog treats too.
Our intrepid repawters are always on the look out for fellow pampered pooches and pussycats to chat to. They can be reached on firstname.lastname@example.org
Quintessentially British made accessories from our family to yours